summer is calling

I took my last two finals of the semester today. I just have one last paper to do and I’ll be done! This has been a challenging couple of months, but at least with my big course load I was able to hit the ground running without having to look back. My semester back at UH opened my eyes in a way I always hoped it would: I took the things I enjoyed about my life in Seattle and I found them here, in the comfort of family and friends, in the solitude of my own home, and through the insight of new friends who taught me a lot about themselves and… myself. I got the best of everything this semester. I really don’t think I could have asked for more.

This time last year, the anticipation of leaving got me through the pains of a busy school and work schedule. I was non-stop from January-August, and I put my friends aside thinking that they’d always be there, and “I had to do what I had to do” even if it came at the expense of those I cared about the most. One year later, I realized I don’t want to take those relationships for granted anymore. Sure, friends will always be there, but I should want to be there with them.

Summer is calling, and I’m on the other end of the receiver.

Greetings from Disneyland!

Fond memories of a place I wasn’t so fond of.

It’s not Monday, but it is morning.

$5 this is about Zooey. Too bad they’re divorced now. Oh, the futility of marriage.

I don’t really believe that, but being a cynic is a lot more fun than being a hopeless romantic.

I’ve forgotten what sleeping feels like.
I can catch up during the weekend
or when I should be in class
or both.

stop putting titles for me wordpress!

I just took five minutes out of my busy life (not really) to cut my damn nails. I usually don’t let them grow out this long… ever, but I lent my nail cutter to my mom and never got it back, so I was never inclined to cut them. I’ve been finding it harder and harder to type, cringing every time my nails make that eerie sound whenever they hit the keyboard. I almost scratched my eye when taking out my contacts. I don’t know how women do it. Obviously I’m not a real woman, because I can’t stand long nails.

Anyway, I thought I’d prove how comfortable I am typing now that my fingers are swiftly hitting the keys instead. Boo-yah!

my life is so much better because of this song

Oh yeah, and I want to be just like them. Doesn’t matter which.

An excerpt from a piece I wrote for my Autobiographical Writing class:

Bingham and McCandless were right in wanting to live meaningful lives, but they were wrong in thinking that they could do it alone. I’ve experienced different facets of suburban lifestyle, and got to live the city life for a good amount of time, and the one thing that has always remained the same are the roots that lead to where my family is. So wherever they are, is home.

Writing about my life is not the easiest task and quite arguably, not the most interesting of reads. I draw that line between personal and private so boldly that what I reveal may not be profound enough for an audience. Nevertheless, I am enjoying this creative expression that I was so worried I lacked completely. I haven’t experienced enough to write a heart-wrenching novel, but as my professor put it, “Everyone has a story to tell”

and I’m going to attempt to tell mine.

Friday nights used to feel this way

I’m home watching my brother, which is nice considering that I’m not in the mood to go out anyway. Solitude works best when it’s by choice, rather than by default. And there are no complaints here.

It’s a typical night, with the trade winds making its presence known against the leaves. The comfort of Hawaii weather would be nice, if it didn’t drive me completely insane. I almost wish that it would start raining all of a sudden just so I could feel something. The weather can be paralleled with Hawaii lifestyle: consistent and predictable. With that being said, it’s going to be a long weekend, but apparently not long enough. This first week back at UH has ran smoothly for the most part, but it feels like something is missing. Or maybe it’s exactly how it was before, but it’s me who has changed.

All logic tells me to just get over it, and that my place is here, at least for the time being. But it’s hard to have gotten a taste of something so sweet, yet revert back to where you’ve developed a taste aversion towards. I guess I should’ve seen this coming, but I tried really hard to counteract its effects. In time, everything will be alright. It always is.

As for my Friday night, I’m about to start another movie. I love movies. Almost as much as I love music. It’s a good thing that often times, the two go hand in hand. This part of the night will satisfy any qualms I have at the moment.

Among many,

Before I go to sleep, I just want to express how much I love my little brother. He drives me crazy sometimes, but that’s only because I can’t stand being around the same people for long periods of time. I’m not kidding. For Christmas, he said he didn’t have time to get me a present, but he saw me reading today and offered to let me use his book light. It was obvious how much I liked it (I mean, it’s red, how can I not?) so he said I could have it as a present. I was really touched. And grateful, ’cause I could really use it.

If you must know, I’m currently reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami. A friend gave this to me over a year ago, and I haven’t picked it up since due to the fact that other books got in the way, and 600+ pages just wasn’t screaming out for my uninterrupted attention. As of late, I’ve been moved to finish it and I’m really enjoying it so far.  I don’t know why, but I relate well to male protagonists (as exemplified by my constant obsession with Holden Caulfield and the like.) It feels reminiscent of the coming of age novels I used to read (Looking for Alaska, It’s Kind of a Funny Story, and obviously Catcher in the Rye, to name a few). The main character in this novel, however, is in his 30s and is still in the same quandary that the characters in the aforementioned novels were in. It goes to show that you don’t have to have it all figured out at any age. Even when you think you do, you don’t. There are other idiosyncrasies about this novel that I could rave on about, but considering that I’m only 1/6 way there, I’m sure trouble will ensue in the forthcoming pages and everything I say will become irrelevant. I’m very big on character development though. This novel is definitely giving me that dimension, but I’m hoping that my suspicions about Kumiko cheating on Toru is incorrect or else this book isn’t as subtle as I thought. Other than that, I have no idea what to expect. How daunting.

Anyway, booklight? Yeah thanks bro.

I think I’ve come a long way since my Freshman year in college. Hell, I think I’ve come a long way in all of my 20 years of living. Hopefully most people can say that about themselves, but I find it especially important to actually reflect on that life passed. There are certainly aspects of my prior years that make me cringe to no end, but it also makes me all the more grateful for where I am now. Looking back at words I’ve written and how I poured my heart onto private entries confirms that I’m the same person that I was back then– only smarter, and wiser.

Once upon a time, (four years ago, to be exact) I wrote a paper in response to my AP Lang teacher’s prompt, Why Write? I wrote about how journaling is a way for me to step outside of myself– a way to express the things I can’t say out loud. At the end of my paper, I wrote this:

Sometimes I reveal too much. Most times I make no sense at all. My life may not be all that adventure packed and LOL. My jokes and commentaries could very well be unoriginal and pointless.

But these words I write mean more to me than anything.

Maybe they could mean something to you, too.